Teen Tuesday – Finding Mr. Right Part 3
Alright, let’s just come out with it…this one’s about sex. Forgive me for stating the obvious, but Mr. Right will not pressure you into having sex. This may seem obvious, but a girl can convince herself so easily, especially in this culture, that since it’s so normal for teen couples (or even casual acquaintances) to have sex, she must be the one with the problem when her boyfriend wants to do it and she doesn’t. Her boyfriend may not even come out and say that, but in his aloof or annoyed attitude, his distance, or whatever, if he wants to have sex and she doesn’t, it will be evident that he isn’t happy about the situation.
The key to not letting your decisions be swayed by guys or culture in general, is to have a solid belief system and moral foundation to back up your standards. Just saying, “I’m never going to have sex before marriage,” doesn’t mean anything if you have no reason for that standard. If you’re a Christian, it’s obvious what that standard is – the Bible, and it’s very clear when it comes to sex before marriage…Don’t do it! Of course we need a solid faith to back up our belief that scripture is accurate and worth following. Otherwise, we’ll waver at the first sign of doubt. Now, I”m not saying strong believing Christians can’t fall, but I am saying it’s a lot easier not to when your faith is strong. That’s why it is so important to make sure your faith and commitment to Christ is strong enough to handle a relationship and the pressures that come with it before you get yourself involved with someone.
When you do find someone, if they pressure you into going further than you feel comfortable with (after you’ve already established boundaries with them, of course), tell them how you feel and that you won’t back down. If they leave, good riddance. If they stay, you’ve found a keeper. It’ll be hard, no doubt. But if you work together, you can make it work, and you’ll be even stronger and closer than before.
Talk about the issue with your boyfriend. You can’t just leave the subject alone – that’s a sure way to get yourself in trouble. Address the elephant in the room, as awkward as it may seem. To express what I mean a little further, here’s a snippet from the sequel to Shadow Eyes where Iris is talking to her boyfriend about boundaries and what had happened between them the night before…
“Talking about it somehow made me feel stronger, like we were working together to forge armor to protect ourselves – seemingly from each other, but actually from our carnal reactions to each other’s presence.”
If you’re reading this and thinking to yourself, “Yeah, there aren’t any guys like that left in the world.” Well, you’re wrong. Partly because you haven’t seen every guy in the world, and partly because guys can sometimes come off as typical, sex-demanding males when they’re really just playing the role they think they’re supposed to have. Sometimes guys just need the girl to be clear with her boundaries for him to realize it’s okay to go against the flow of culture.
Don’t be afraid to stand up for what you want and go against the flow! Purity is not a lost cause. It’s just as necessary and relevant today as it was hundreds of years ago.