Fun Friday – A Modest Proposal for my Seniors
We just recently read “A Modest Proposal” by Jonathan Swift with my 1 7th hour senior class – you know, the one where he recommends to solve the problem of poor Irish people by having people buy their babies to eat. So I’m having them do their own modest (a.k.a. shocking and satirical) proposal for a current problem going on today.
I wanted to give them an examples, so I chose their class as my problem to solve since it has become completely ridiculous and difficult to manage over the last several weeks and months due to several reasons. I thought it was quite clever if I do say so myself. 🙂 Hope you get a kick out of it too and enjoy the dripping sarcasm!
A Modest Proposal for Mrs. Crabtree’s Class
It has recently come to my attention that what began as a minor inconvenience has grown substantially into a most grievous problem. Mrs. Crabtree’s class has become unmanageable due to a deadly combination of apathy, stubbornness, and a misguided sense of entitlement. More often than not, an hour that should be devoted to learning, discovering, reading, thinking, and having collaborative discussions, is ruined with inappropriate, ill-timed chatter and blatant disrespect. Some of the other students, innocent bystanders, end up burning with anger and could very well explode in deadly violence at any moment. Others have such a difficult time concentrating and learning through the disruptions that they will have a tremendously difficult time in secondary education. Some may even be driven to stop attending all together to avoid the chaos and, therefore, won’t graduate. Something needs to be done.
I have considered this problem in great depth and have researched similar cases to compare every option. One particular case seemed the most promising. In order to solve the problem of Mrs. Crabtree’s class, I propose that the students embrace the rules of Survivor and be granted the right to vote other students out of the class. Weekly, or perhaps daily if necessary, secret ballot voting will take place where each student will write the name of another student on a slip of paper to be dismissed. The person with the most votes will be voted out of the class and will, subsequently, fail. This practice will continue only as long as disruption continues to persist, which I would wager, given the current circumstances, may be several weeks.
This solution has many benefits. First, it will create competition where students will strive to be better than their classmates, because everyone knows that when competition is involved, people strive to succeed. Second, when disruptive students are kicked out, the class will be a more pleasant learning environment. Students will be able to excel without distraction. Some may even become doctors, politicians, lawyers, scientists, and other prestigious positions, possibly even curing cancer or radically improving our world. Third, the students who are kicked out will learn a valuable life lesson about how to be mature and behave in certain situations. There are times where tough love is required. Most recipients of that tough love come out all the better for it.
Now, there may be others who think they have a better solution to this problem. Things like the students being mature, having motivation to learn and better themselves, keeping their mouths shut, respecting people of authority, or even learning that the world doesn’t revolve around them. However, I strongly suggest that anyone who dare propose something other than my sound proposition consider the likelihood of these so-called solutions ever being carried out successfully. For I have done my research and consulted many an expert and have found no other viable answer with the remotest chance of success.